This is how a neuro-inclusive partnership looks like
You opened the contract, felt a jolt of frustration, and almost accused your colleague of ignoring the earlier agreement.
Been there before?
Two leaders met to discuss a partnership.
One is neurodivergent (ND).
One is neurotypical (NT).
They agreed on a specific direction. ND would prepare the contract.
Months later, it arrived.
NT opened the document... and felt that tiny jolt in her chest.
The agreed direction had disappeared.
The draft reflected ND's original proposal instead.
Instinctively, NT’s brain activated its protective interpretation.
“Did she just disregard everything we agreed?!”
“Did she decide on her own to return to her original position?!”
Years ago, NT would have assumed the worst.
But the rigorous training of ADHD coaching gave her another lens.
She knew ND’s working memory might have quietly done what it sometimes does - letting an important agreement slip away.
Trust tipped the scales.
So NT texted:
"The draft left out what we agreed over coffee 😊. I’m curious - did you decide to change direction, or did it just slip your mind? Knowing you, I’m leaning toward the latter, but wanted to check before assuming."
The reply came quickly.
ND had really completely forgotten.
She offered a sincere apology and a thank-you for that candidness.
No defensiveness.
No conflict.
Trust grew because they chose clarification over conclusion.
This isn't just a lesson about neurodivergence.
It's a lesson about partnership.
Our brains are wired to protect us. When something doesn't make sense, we instinctively fill in the blanks - and we fill them with intent.
"She ignored what we agreed."
"He doesn't respect me."
"They've changed their mind without telling me."
Sometimes those stories are true.
Many times, they're not.
Neuro-inclusion doesn't mean lowering standards or giving anyone a free pass.
It means understanding each other's operating systems well enough to pause before assigning motive.
To verify intent.
When we adopt that systems view of people (and their brain wiring), fewer things become personal.
There's no free pass for missed commitments.
There's no judgment over them either.
Just a shared commitment to solve for it together and move forward.
How do you handle missed commitments in your team?
P.S. And I bet you've guessed by now it's the NT here telling you her experience. 😊
Building this kind of partnership based on trust and shared accountability, not lowered expectations, regardless of the differences between ‘operating systems’, is exactly the work I do as ADHD-informed Leadership Coach for rising leaders and their teams. DM for a capsule coaching session, and leave with one actionable insight. Link on featured section.
