Choose to be the version of leader you wanna be

She chose empathy. I once didn't.

A rising leader stood in front of me, reeling from a mediation.

She had listened with compassion. Honoured the pain of a departing employee. Chose the quieter path - one that didn't retaliate, didn't defend, didn't harden.

She was the only one at the table who did.

And then came the voices from the community.

"You were too soft."
"You should've played it harder."
"You let them off easy."

She started to doubt herself.
‘Have I handled this poorly?’

And that's when something stirred in me.
A memory I didn't quite expect to revisit.

Because I've stood in her shoes in my early days as a leader - And made the opposite choice.

She chose empathy when it was hard.
I chose what I deemed as ‘fair to others in the team’ - and played harder.

There was a time I walked into a difficult conversation with someone the leadership collectively deemed as ‘non-performer’, already decided.
I didn't ask questions.
I didn't pause to understand.
I was frustrated with performance issues, and I let the pressure get the better of me.
I played the hard game.

In doing so, and in that moment, I left behind the version of me that always led with empathy.
Not because I'd changed - but because I caved.
To expectations that the team must collectively perform.
To the pressure from the top that I needed to ‘act’.
To the belief that compassion gets in the way of results.

I didn't lose a battle that day. I lost something much more valuable - a piece of who I wanted to be as a leader.

So when I saw this rising leader questioning her path, I wanted her to know:
She didn't choose wrong.

It takes courage to hold on to who you are - especially when the room tells you not to.

But if we lose ourselves in the process, we lose what truly matters.

Leadership is full of moments that ask: Who will you be in this?

The good news? We get to choose. We learn into the past, and then we choose better the next time.